A different theme obviously, but seemed similarly-flavored as Things White People Love, so I had to post. I found this in a comment on the myfaultimfemale blog from a metafilter post Hendred had in his shared items the other day.
Hendred had a Metafilter post in his shared items about the 30th anniversary of Airplane!. In it, one of the commenters linked this, a brief talk about the making of the jive talk scenes.
Nice rant by Jon Stewart about the meaninglessness of "The American people want..." and other misused political phrases. Of course, he doesn't carry out the thought that it is impossible to characterize the desires of a nation full of individuals to its natural libertarian conclusions, but it is entertaining none the less. Stolen from hendred's shared items.
When JFBM's kids are forcing freshman to watch quality movies, this will be one of the greatest scenes they've ever seen. From Black Dynamite, I give to you awesomeness. -jm
Fred Willard does a Fed ex spot on youtube spoofing informercials. I link only because I love Fred Willard and I really think this is the way we are going with visual entertainment. Small, commissioned pieces. -jm
Featuring such brilliant text messages as "Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues" and "Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night".
Australian guy gets a letter about his neighbors complaints regarding his dog in his apartment, where dogs are not permitted. Comedy ensues. Don't think this is a repost, but wouldn't be surprised if it is. -decker
"You created a situation where you cannot be wrong," said the Montana Democrat. "If the economy loses two million jobs over the next few years, you can say yes, but it would've lost 5.5 million jobs. If we create a million jobs, you can say, well, it would have lost 2.5 million jobs. You've given yourself complete leverage where you cannot be wrong, because you can take any scenario and make yourself look correct."
Karl Rove has nothing on these guys.
He filed it under "Comedy". This is the same argument that the pee drinker made and followed up here. I think it's a valid critique, but I'm not sure what else you would expect from a elected politician of either party. Truth isn't in their best interest. -decked
From Dean: A wonderful Yinzer on the Price is Right. We should all buy this guy a round at PHI. By the way, is it Pittsburgher, Pittsburghien, Pittsburghian, Pittsburghite, or what?
The thing that takes the BodySnake to another notch though is the “But wait, there’s more” gift. I can honestly say this is the most horrifying secondary gift in the history of infocos … it is called the “foot scrubber.” This is a small thing that looks like a slipper, only it has suction cups on the bottom so that you can stick it to your shower floor. And here’s how it works: You stick your foot in there, and you bounce your foot up and down like you are working the piano pedals. Apparently you also put soap in there. And when you’re done, voila, clean feet at last.
From the creators of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (tv), Angel, and Firefly comes Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. Thankfully this 40 minute musical blog does not feature Burch singing Tom Petty but instead Doogie Howser, who once played "NPH" in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. -jm
Here’s a guy in a red tank top: “It made me … UH … heck of a lot bigger.” Girlfriend laughs happily.
Well, sure, it works for guys in red tank tops, but what about the guy in the bowling shirt who has a strange and undetectable accent. What would he have to say about it? “I’ve been very happy and I’ve felt bigger,” he says.
Wow. Two for two. But what does the guy with the horrendous hair replacement job and no girlfriend have to say about it? “Well,” he says, “what do you want me to tell you? It got bigger.”
No idea what the book is actually aboutThu Jan 8 2009
Quite possibly the funniest review on Amazon. I love that 1,385 of 1,406 people found the following review helpful and there are comments trying to remove it that are buried. Classic. -hendred
Absence of Blair Witch themed pysch tapes was intentional Wed Jan 7 2009
I deleted my first attempt at this, so short version: I ranked my DVDs by funny. Would you like to do the same? Here are mine:
1. Big Lebowski 2. Old School 3. Tommy Boy 4. Dumb and Dumber 5. Borat 6. Super Troopers 7. Eurotrip 8. Mitchell (Mystery Science movie) 9. Major League 10. Superbad
Near misses: Bad Santa, Dazed and Confused, Wayne's World, Ace Ventura, Sideways. All from will.
Link goes to a summary including a clip from the Daily Show where Hall and Oates sing a farewell tribute. And of course there's this brilliant response from Hannity:
“I was actually thinking of Jon [Stewart] as a co-host but I needed someone who could be smart and funny without 50 writers and two has-been rockers who are badly in need of Botox.”
Who’s the coolest politician the U.S. has ever had?
Tracy Morgan: Barack! Easily! Ain’t no other president had the crowd laughing and all that. Dude has charisma, he’s got the looks and he’s a cool dude—all the young girls want him! They all want to have his baby. Big pimpin’! No females want McCain, only his wife. Son is getting skin cut off his face and all kind of shit, man. You see how his arms look? He looks like Teddy Ruxpin.
Hit page two for the Prince story. Marked NSFW just for language. -hendred
Palin was on SNL. And they pulled in the biggest ratings in 14 years. Check out the comments on the article linked.
Defamer called out this one:
Tina Fey looked liked a drug addict hag next to the natural beauty and class of Sarah Palin!!!There is no comparison. Sarah is beautiful and intelligent.
What's up donkey? How's it going? I'm in Max Payne. Say Hi to your mom for me. -hendred
omg the miracle of childbirth, you guys! Tue Sep 30 2008
The ten people you meet on Facebook - from Cracked via will. Those of you without the facebooks probably won't enjoy this one much. 10, 9, 8, 7 and 3 were very familiar. The comment section is also it's usual purée of shite:
I hooked up with 17 b***hes through Facebook this year alone. I guess what sealed the deal was my hockey photo of me 10 years younger. Gets em' every time.
"A lot of kids in Charles' situation would have confessed and accepted punishment for their mistake, but my son is strong," said Wentworth's father, aluminum magnate Herman Wentworth, who after arriving at the crash site told his son that "everything is taken care of," and while Charles sat in his father's BMW texting his friends, loudly threatened to call the police commissioner if any charges were pressed. "Charles would never allow himself to give up and gain valuable insight into the way things work in the real world without a fight."
TSMBGITW has come a long way from doing her act on the PiKA porch. As seen on the Jerry Lewis telethon. Personally, I think the material could be improved with a tale or two from the basement. -jm
Now All Will and Derek Need Is Videoconferencing EquipmentSat Sep 20 2008
Download mp3 commentary by MST3K veteran Mike Nelson and friends to accompany your DVDs on RiffTrax.com. I have no idea if it's any good or not, but with all the MST3K references going on around here, it seems relevant. -decker
At any given time a white person has 100-200 Onion headlines memorized and ready for deployment into a conversation. In fact it is impossible to talk to a white person for more than one hour without hearing “that reminds me of the Onion article….” In order to remain a viable part of that conversation it is essential that you are able to quickly suggest a related, but different, Onion article on a similar subject.
It's a a little peak into Mitchells/Dereks life Wed Sep 10 2008
From will: If anyone's been wondering where Derek's names have been coming from lately...
a) don't do that. you'll end up like ben affleck at the end of 'dogma'
b) it's from an episode of mst3k called "Space Mutiny". A highlight reel with all the names is here. The entire episode, starting with part 1, is also on youtube. It's fantastic. As always, skip the interludes.
Mildly humorous. A good break to the The Great Bacon Debate and (lack of) recycling going on. Language on some of the vids may be NSFW. Oh, and in good give-credit-where-it's-due form, I ripped this from my softball league's blog.
From ab: These are great. I would be terrible in retail. Picture me, Hendrix and Bean as salespeople in a retail shop. We would make "soup Nazi" look like the Easter Bunny.
I don't play video games much, but thought the GTA bit on Weekend Update was great (Bill Hader's impression seems particularly good). Skip to the -3:35 point to see it. Also, the story right before it is about that Tulane pike house. -decker
Not quite Clooney, but he's getting thereFri May 9 2008
John Mayer on how to write a song. [video] I would love to rag on this guy, but this has some good chuckles, and added to his 2 girl 1 cup parody, he's building quite the body of work. Thanks Kristen Bell. -hendrix
Nothing made after 1985 is represented in the top 10, so my first inclination is to say this list has a classic bias. But a more interesting question than what's wrong with the order is: which sketches are missing? Post links to your answers, if possible. -decker
Saw the Kids in the Hall on tour tonight. I didn't even realize they were coming to Houston. In fact, I'm not sure many people did since they didn't sell out the venue, but it was at least partly due to poor marketing. For instance, I knew they had been in Austin recently because ticketmaster had let me know that in their Houston events email, but there was no mention of a Houston show.
Anyway, it was good. If you are a Kids in the Hall fan, you should definitely see it. It's all new stuff, but about 2/3s of it is recurring characters (Buddy Cole, Kathy & Cathy, the kid with the backpack, the two salesmen, Scott's hockey fan character, the Chicken Lady, etc), so it helps to be a fan of the show. The encore is unique too. Of course, since it's the Kids in the Hall, the jokes are hit or miss, but most were good. One of my favorite lines of the night:
My dad says religion is for stupid people. It gives them something to do besides scratching lottery tickets.
"'Chippendales' was a weird sketch. I always hated it...The joke of it is, basically, 'We can't hire you because you're fat.' There's no comic twist to it. It's just [bleep]ing mean. Chris wanted so much to be liked. As funny as that sketch was...it's one of the things that killed him."
From will: Somebody undertook the daunting task of compiling the 50 greatest comedy sketches. There's probably some huge omissions (The Guy Who Played Mr. Belvedere Fan Club and anything with Chris Farley). I didn't like the Racial Draft on Chappelle's Show much.
Square trees grown in New Hampshire. Caught this last night driving home. It's much better if you listen to it. Hooray for the day after March 31st. -hendrix
In 1990, a humble billionaire named Ted Turner had a simple dream: to promote environmentalism among young people via a green-mulleted, Earth-loving superhero who dressed like he was auditioning for a slot in the Ambiguously Gay Duo.
A little history, that very slot was lost to the Brothers' Jackson -jm
Tubgirl — A shock image of a young woman on her back, in a bathtub. Her rump is positioned so that her liquid defecate is shooting into the air and landing on her face.
All white people want their children to speak another language. There are no exceptions. They dream about the children drifting in between French and English sentences as they bustle about the kitchen while they read the New York Times and listen to Jazz.
Since a lot of yinz having been married, my guess is that this didn't go according to plan. The comentary really makes it funny...at least he got a beer out of it.
A blog devoted to stuff white people like. I do like Mos Def, but Japan scares me. From will.
From the "Snowboarding" entry:
If one would like to meet a lot of white people, one of your best bets would be to go on a Snowboarding trip. Snowboarding is the practice of skiing sideways on one ski. White people love snowboarding as opposed to basketball or football because there is a sense that it is an alternative sport outside of the mainstream. Also too many ethnic people are skiing now.
This could be the dumbest thing I've ever posted. -hendrix
From your Najesty: I haven't been to the site in a while so these could be reposts but i wanted to make sure Miolla saw them. You may need to turn the volume on low but you definitely want to hear the second one.
All ryan: At first I read this and thought it was a good thing I learned now that you aren't allowed to do this. But then I remembered my kid is cooler than this kid and I won't have to force him to wear the black and gold.
This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here. Mon Jan 7 2008
Bill Gate's Last Day - from Microsoft's CES presentation. He got Mathew McConaughey to put on a shirt, which is a miracle of Jesus-esque proportions. Both derek and miolla sent this along. Derek did the write-up.
There's a sample video. The four mountains are Taos NM, Deer Valley UT, Alta UT, and Mad River Glen VT. The response from the Taos a-holes is priceless.
I got 600 dollars in the bank, motherf*cker! Fri Nov 30 2007
Brian E emailed this video:
Here's his site. He even has a "2 Girls 1 Cup" song. I tried watch a few of the skits, and they weren't great. Seems like he's doing a Will Farrell/Michael Ian Black impression. -decker
"Your outdated ideas of what terrorism is have been challenged," an unidentified, disembodied voice announces following the video's first 45 minutes of random imagery set to minimalist techno music. "It is not your simple bourgeois notion of destructive explosions and weaponized biochemical agents. True terror lies in the futility of human existence."
We've blogged about the Sports Guy's opinions of Dane Cook before. This past week, SG had a podcast in which he suggests a sketch about Dane Cook to Seth Meyers. Lo and behold, a very similar sketch appeared this Saturday on SNL. That's power.
The roommate DVR'ed the Seth Rogen SNL from this weekend. It wasn't half bad. If anyone can find me the "National Douchebag Competition" clip, you'll be handsomely rewarded by our favorite Belgian as he'll have a pretty sweet libel case on his hands. Since I can't find that, enjoy this, Magruber, an SNL skit about a middle aged engineering genius. jm
A short article on the MBA. Might want to think about night school. Also, the comments are fantastic. No one likes to admit to being on a sinking ship. However, as Danny noted to me, it may be worthwhile if you are trying to change careers into something more business-y. Filed under comedy -jm
Beer and wine available at the theatre's bar. Recommended for ages: 13+ Tue Oct 2 2007
Point Break LIVE! the starring role of Keanu will be selected at random from the audience each night, and will read their entire script off of cue-cards -courtesy of deadspin via derek
Demands for more autonomy from the Dutch-speaking Flemish are resisted by the French-speaking Walloons, making it impossible to form a government coalition and triggering concern the kingdom is on the verge of a breakup.
The Boston Red Sox decided to make rookie Dice-K dress up like a tele-tubbie for their trip to Toronto... link includes hilarious pic. - Thanks to Jimbo for the link...
A couple Norm videos from will for a lazy Friday...
Norm on Letterman right after he got the boot from Weekend Update. It's long, but if you watch it through till the end, you see a great Bill Cosby impression and a fantastic Norm deadpan.
From Derek: I hate sending these, but yet another funny or die video, this one isn't actually all that funny until they start watching M.A.S.H. with Bill Murray.
Jeter gave Alba the herp. Fo' reals. This is some random gossip site, but the term "Chasing the Valtrex dragon" makes it worth the post. Also, their hookup web is a bit of entertainment. - hendrix
GTAre You Going To The Mall Later.... Fri Aug 10 2007
GTA 4 is going to be delayed, and the indian dude from the onion is pissed. - From Will
I have also heard that the Xbox 360 version may be a degraded version of the game... Microsoft doesn't want games to depend on the use of the optional Xbox 360 hard drive... - JT
This makes me cringe more than it makes me laugh, but here is a compilation of various botched wrestling moves. I didn't watch long enough to see if they had a clip of Owen "The Hitman" Hart falling from the rafters of an arena. Thanks Will.
Petchow, Arf Arf, Petchow, Arf Arf, Petchow, Arf Arf... rat poison Mon Mar 26 2007
From will: I know it's a little late, but all those dogs were dying from eating rat poison. Next up on the SNL commercial to real life event: Robot Insurance
This has been around for a little while. I think at least Rogan got banned from the Comedy Store, if not Mencia as well. Additional clips of Mencia stealing shit keep popping up on digg. I never knew much about rogan, but there's a couple fo funny clips of him owning hecklers on youtube. And he had that sweet car built on Rides. -ed
From jm: Tracy Morgan on "Texas, El Paso" local news. Please watch the video. He ain't got biscuits, he's got a loaf of bread. Also, you should consider reading The Hater blog.
I just about fell out of my chair when I saw this. Classic. Just classic. -ed
From Nino: GM in preliminary talks to buy Chrysler: source
Friday February 16, 12:17 pm ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - General Motors Corp. (NYSE:GM - News) is in preliminary talks to buy the Chrysler Group, a source familiar with the situation said on Friday.
The news was earlier reported by Automotive News, which cited unnamed sources in Germany and the United States that high-level talks were talking place between GM and Chrysler Group parent DaimlerChrysler AG.(XETRA:DCXGN.DE - News) to buy the Chrysler Group in its entirety.
The source who spoke to Reuters, however, said it was questionable whether GM would want Chrysler's finance business, having recently sold its own finance arm.
It's like railing against the pounding surf. Thu Feb 8 2007
From Brick: I admit it. I watch The Food Network. This blog by Anthony Bourdain is spot on, and damn funny.
"...then feign enjoyment with appropriately orgasmic eye-closing and moaning..Before spitting it out and rushing to the trailer. "
Porn? No. Commentary on Giada De Laurentiis' new show.
I used to dig Rachael Ray, but man, she got annoying quick. Giada is welcome to cook for me anytime. And by cook I mean 'prepare a delicious meal and then make out.' This blog entry is along the same lines. And then there's Rachael Ray defending herself. -ed
Johnson! Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this! Wed Jan 31 2007
Some clever pranksters in Southampton UK decided to burn a huge cock into their school's lawn using weed killer. Hilarity still ensues. You can read the whole story here. Marked NSFW in case people are offended by large, dirt penises.
Star Wars Audition Tapes. Christopher Walken as Han Solo would have been the greatest move ever. It would have turned Star Wars into Battlestar Gallatica.
SNL Uncensored Digital Short from this past weekend Tue Dec 19 2006
From miolla: Hopefully this makes up for my lame posts lately. Timberlake was on SNL this past weekend. I missed it but YouTube apparently didn't. Here's the uncensored version of the X-Mas song. I Like. High Five. Great success! Goldsmith, JT, and Caldeira get the assist on this one.
From mayes: Another Movie from the guys who did "Bro Rape." At least one drinking rule is envoked during the clip. It's mildly NSFW only for language, so put on those headphones.
Somebody submitted this but didn't claim. The most interesting bit was the Jim Breuer bit at the front.
I think Retaliation is funny. It's ridiculously funny. Tourgasm was horrible and his last HBO show was meh, as discussed before. I don't know about ripping off the bits from people (and it seems weird that if he ripped off Louis CK that Louis would turn around and go on Tourgasm), but don't rail on him if you haven't listened to Retaliation. I'd like to thank the Marriott for these delicious cashews.
The girls I have dated. Keep in mind it's the title of the post, not me saying it. I felt bad for most of the girls but there are some great lines in this. This is off of Fark, and may or may not be completely made up.
Absolutely NSFW due to graphic language. Also, if you're easily offended (or female), you probably don't want to click through.
You called me 2 months later to say you had an ovarian cyst and you wanted to know if I caused it? Yeah, I did - just after I disrupted the Earth's magnetic field. Flake.
Q: Is it possible that George Bush is the white Art Shell? Mismanages a defense, has no idea what the hell is going on half the time, and is in wayyy over his head. Think about it, on 9/11, when he sat there at the school for like 5 minutes after finding out what happened, staring out into space thinking about which Happy Meal he was going to get later, that's Art Shell every week on the sidelines! Whether you're for or against Bush, this is funny. --Lanire S., Philadelphia
I can see how someone could find this funny, but it may very well drive you to annoyance. If you don't like the first 2 minutes, the other 8 aren't gonna help. -ed.
Replace one of the Bro's with a big bear and you got yourself another Decker flick. Some classic lines in this one like "It was like an all you can rape buffet"
So that's what's happening in Japan with those Japanese Fri Jul 28 2006
One of those over the top game shows. Contestants have to say a tongue twister within a certain amount of time or else they get hit in the balls. Reminds me of the Springfield Film Festival.... from Miolla.
A humerous little battle is ensuing between Kevin Smith and Joel Seigel due to Seigel walking out of the screening of Clerks 2. Short version of the story:
"Check this shit out: roughly forty minutes into the flick, when Randal orders up the third act donkey show, Siegel bellowed to his fellow critics “Time to go!'’ and “This is the first movie I’ve walked out of in 30 fucking years!'’
Kevin Smith's blog recap here. Hilarious Opie and Anthony segment with Kevin Smith and Joel Seigel arguing on-air located here. (temp ed)
The Sports Guy wants to fight Dane Cook Sun Jul 16 2006
...sort of. Click here and scroll down about one third of the way to where he lists the famous people he'd like to fight. After he rattles off 6 names, he writes:
(Note: I almost threw Dane Cook in here because he wore a Yankees cap to a Crank Yankers taping a few years ago even though he's allegedly a big Boston fan, then refused to laugh and took the holier-than-thou approach when my buddy Paul loudly farted in the studio. ... Five years later, he's taking dumps in a garbage can on the TourGasm bus and grossing out his buddies and pretending he's a guy's guy.)
I think it would be pretty traumatizing to see two of my comedy heroes fighting each other, but it would probably be the funniest fight in history. - temp ed
Kevin Smith on Nose Picking and Anal Fri Jul 14 2006
A very humorous blog entry by Kevin Smith. An excerpt:
"Contrary to what they tell us in porn, I’m of a firm belief that most chicks aren’t very into anal, but only opt for it in the heat of the moment. Sure, there are always exceptions that prove the rule; but if a sexual itinerary were to be established upfront, before things got hot-and-heavy, I think most women would be hard-pressed to utter “And then, you can drill my brown.” (temp ed)
You know, all of us alumni, we remember being at Seymour Hall, playing those drinking games. We played a drinking game called Lincoln-Douglas. Great game. What you do is, you act out the Lincoln-Douglas debate and any time one of the guys mentions the Dred Scott decision you have to chug a beer. Well, technically 3/5 of a beer.
But you seem nice enough, so I’ll try to give you some advice. First of all, when you go to apply for your first job, don’t wear these robes. Medieval garb does not instill confidence in future employers—unless you’re applying to be a scrivener. And if someone does offer you a job, say yes. You can always quit later. Then at least you’ll be one of the unemployed as opposed to one of the never-employed. Nothing looks worse on a resume than nothing.
I Can't Say It Better Than Bill Simmons Fri Jun 2 2006
From JT: Question No. 2: Speaking of Hasselhoff, did his interview with Craig Sager during Game 2 double as the Unintentional Comedy moment of the year?
Nahhhhh ... not in the same year that featured Rey Mysterio Jr. giving a heartfelt speech about Eddy Guerrero at the WWE Hall of Fame ceremonies while wearing his wrestling mask. But when you combine it with the shot of Hasselhoff crying in the stands after Taylor Hicks won "American Idol" ... yes, he's the Unintentional Comedy MVP of 2006. Although we still have seven months to go. My favorite part of the Hasselhoff renaissance -- the thought of his agent calling him to say, "You're not gonna believe this! You're Nowitzki's favorite singer! He whispers one of your songs to himself when he's shooting free throws! We gotta jump on this! I have you booked on a plane to Dallas; you're leaving in three hours! This could get us into the 'Surreal Life' house!")
(By the way, we had to recalibrate the Unintentional Comedy Scale thanks to this William Shatner clip on youtube.com -- everything once rated 100 out of 100 has been dropped to 99 so the ShatMan can stand alone (yes, even Carl Lewis' national anthem performance). This will never be topped. I'm calling it right now. We have hit the comedy ceiling, my friends.)
6 Minute Evolution of Dance or 4 Hours in Pika Basement? Wed May 24 2006
Philippe says this video has a little bit of everyone in it. If I started naming names I would run out of room. It is a little long but worth the watch.
I think I peaked somewhere around ice-ice baby -ed.
Best Buy Invasion from Jay Park, who adds very thomas crown affair-ish
I had to do a little research because I'm a nerd - the TCA painting is actually called 'Son of Man' and the final scene is a take off on another of Magritte's paintings called Golconda.
“This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “If anything, they are re-arranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”
He noted former Ambassador Joseph Wilson in the crowd, just three tables away from Karl Rove, and that he had brought " Valerie Plame." Then, worried that he had named her, he corrected himself, as Bush aides might do, "Uh, I mean... he brought Joseph Wilson's wife." He might have "dodged the bullet," he said, as prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald wasn't there.
"Fox believes in presenting both sides of the story — the president’s side and the vice president’s side."
Some freshman swim chicks gettin' hazed. Most of this isn't all that interesting, just sort of amusing. The last pic almost made me fall out of my chair. Stolen from Fark.
Why Dane Cook matters more than Tony Soprano He's the king of New Media, apparently. Put him on back-to-back with Entourage and I'm all in. Someone sent this in but didn't claim it.
Dane Cook's standup absolutely KILLS. [Video] The language and material is a bit coarse, but I literally almost fell out of my chair. I'm still crying I was laughing so hard. I don't know if this is old or new or what, but dear god, just watch it. I promise you will laugh.
A black man would rather miss than look bad Fri Feb 17 2006
From jm: Billy Ho, you can now add young white women to that list (though cute she may be). Lindsey Jacobellis, Leon Lett thanks you. I still love you in your dunkin donut ads though.
Fark thread re: Tombstone police being idiots Read the summary at the top and then read the fourth comment. Feel free to peruse the rest of the thread if you want to burn some time.
Another little piece of local trivia: Eminem is from here! Yes, indeed. He even made a movie about Detroit called "8 Mile" -- it's a documentary about how every single person in southeast Michigan lives.
One of the things I said to the set designer ... was "One of your inspirations should be [DaVinci's painting] The Last Supper." All the architecture of that room points at Jesus' head, the entire room is a halo, and he doesn't have a halo." And I said, "On the set, I'd like the lines of the set to converge on my head." And so if you look at the design, it all does, it all points at my head. And even radial lines on the floor, and on my podium, and watermarks in the images behind me, and all the vertices, are right behind my head. So there's a sort of sun-god burst quality about the set around me. And I love that. That's status.
The third part of our three part triathlon of three things. This Ommegathon will be the most intense yet. A contest so fierce that we expect at least one Ommeganaught to die…and one to get pregnant. It will be quite a show.
Potty training Elmo tells kids they're gonna die This one's from joel, who adds: Too funny… Reminds me of the puppet show meatwad watches on ATHF: "This is your right. This is your left. This is your right. You're gonna die"
This one's from Mrs. Vasudevan: A holiday message from Jib-Jab [Flash with sound] She adds not sure if you want to play the sound at work unless you have headphones... Apparently Santa is Dutch.
Passed Out Wookies.com I think they're using 'Wookie' to mean dirty hippies/concert attendees. But a lot of them are just your standard passed out drunk pics. A few pics into the hall of fame there's a guy with 'esp' written on his leg. Not Safe for Work.
From joe via rcr: I'd heard of this guy before, don't know if he's shown up here. Joe says "Just seems like there should be a Mayes' reference somewhere along the line."
I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons: I am not a member of Queen. I do not like motorcycles. I am not Rod Stewart. I am not French. I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.
A Capella versions of nintendo songs. [QT Video] This one's from oof, who says it's great. Depending on your penchant for a capella music and wacky musical theater hijinks, you may think it's the most annoying thing you've seen in a few months.
Dr. Kopeloff said the naughty association of the street name never really bothered him until his neighbors noted that it might hurt property values. "That made me change my mind," he said.
Because it doesnt matter what relgion you belong to, one thing we can all agree about is that scientology is cukoo for coco puffs. All from Derek. Three words: Number of Members -ed.
Bob and Tom's ode to Camel Toe. [WMV Video] Ryan sent this along. He received it as a consolation for a rough football weekend. Even I feel bad for the Steelers. Sort of. Definitely not safe for work. Note the definitely in there.
From Derek: I saw this late night on Television. Midgets selling real estate.
And in case you were too busy watching Desperate Housewives, you missed Dave Attell's Insomniac Tour Special with Dane Cook, Sean Rouse, and the very unfunny Greg Giraldo. The site has a fair amount of clips from the show. Worth checking out, unless you hate comedy.
I was looking at some of the site stats, and aside from the amazingly ridiculous list of nicknames, I saw this thread which kills me for its complete randomness as well as the depth and breadth of the discussion. Just thought I'd share.
From boot: Remember that 'good samaritan' in Atlanta who used Christianity and her faith to get a murdering escaped fugitive turned over to police...well her book claims -- are you ready for this -- that instead of 'God's Word' she dug into her METH STASH AND GOT HIM HIGH
Scientists to spy on Panda sex with satellite Bordick sent this one in, adding I mean, wow. I hope CNN picks up this one. It will now be known as 'Panda Style'. Am I the only one that things the guy looks like a human in a panda suit? Yes? OK then.
Penny Arcade meets the sky mall In case you're not interested in the post, here's the comic. If you're looking for another couple laughs, read through the rest of the page. Joel sent the heads up. Thanks Joel.
From Will: Video Clip from Maury A guy finds out he's not the father on Maury, and an episode of "So You Think You Can Dance" breaks out. Truly excellent. -ed.
11:00 PM PARIS, France -- Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time. Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.
The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap - which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years. Armstrong's girlfriend and American rocker Sheryl Crowe is quoted as saying "we use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok throughout Europe."
Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong himself and found several other interesting items that they have never seen before, including a backbone and balls.
I guess that should be ball, unless there's something about Sheryl I don't want to know... This one came via thendrix.
The Onion's newest columnist. From will, who adds "Jowl Deep" is now being added to the vocabulary. Indeed. Mildly NSFW due to language, but nothing terrible.
There's a bunch more at Idiot Work.com, including a remake of Full Metal Jacket with Steelers Coach Bill Cowher. Some of it might not be safe for work due to language.
Video of someone telling Cheney to go fuck himself. It's in streaming QT format. Apparently word got back to Apple that I hate them, so I'm having a tough time viewing it. From Jane. UpdateCrooks and Liars has it in Country and Western, err, QT and WMV. I guess it was also on the Daily show tonight.
This week's Onion "Louisiana National Guard Offers Help By Phone From Iraq", "Government Relief Workers Mosey In To Help", "White Foragers Report Threat Of Black Looters", "Another Saints Season Ruined Before It Begins", and "Refugees Moved From Sewage-Contaminated Superdome To Hellhole Of Houston" plus "CEO Barbie Criticized For Promoting Unrealistic Career Images"
An ad for the perfect woman. [2MB WMV w/Sound] This is the first time I've tried the whole embedded video thing. If it's sucking, the direct link is here. Gabe sent this one along.
Your contract goes through 2008. How do you think people will be watching the show then? Stewart: Through their nipples. I believe the show will come in through one nipple and will be broadcast out the other through some sort of projection device. Karlin: And if you have three nipples, you're basically walking high definition. Stewart: No, listen. We make the doughnuts; we don't drive the truck. I have no idea. I assume there are people in white lab coats working on that very thing. And I'm sure at some point it will be in liquid form.
I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn't want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.
Wikipedia entry on the Donkey Punch Makes for some excellent reading, and the links at the bottom for the Cleveland Steamer and Dirty Sanchez are worth a laugh. The entry for 'Blumpkin' is not safe for work. So heads up. Polega sent the link.
Is your kid gay? Part of the uber-tolerant Focus on the Family hate network, Focus on the Child brings us this informative and scientific breakdown of spotting your queer-bait offspring. I'm still laughing. At least 3 of these could apply to kids that are just freakin' nerds.
Smooth Jimmy Apollo is marking this Lock of the Day for getting a laugh. Ooo... that's a big lock.
Daily Show clip of reaction to Novak walking out. The dark prince of high treason, Bob Novak, walked out of a CNN talking heads show after saying it was bullshit. He apparently didn't like what Carville had to say. Stewart rules. There. I said it again.
Just be glad you didnt hear it in a nurseryWed Jul 27 2005
derek sends the following promotion: Dane Cook's Retaliation came out tuesday, and its pretty freakin hilarious. Double disc with dvd. Best Buy had it for as low as 11.98
Want to date a 31 year old former basketball player with an MBA from Harvard? The answer is here Both Anagha and Boot sent this one in. Everyone say 'awwwww'.
All from bean-o: Performing arts organization creates advertisement of Indian women demonstrating the shocker. Highlights from the article include a technical definition/description of the shocker, and then some of the fun slang phrases it has spawned. Don't worry, you can trust Uncle Bean, this is safe for work. Yo Yo Ma appears in ad also, but attempts to reach Yo Ma Ma for comment have yet proved unsuccessful.
Okay, that's what a hispanic soccer commentator would yell. I'm not sure what they yell in the UK, but at least they can practice every time they take a wiz in the loo. This one's from Shasta.
Complete Tour Stage 10 Results [cut]The first big day in the mountains, and Armstrong duels it out until the end with Alejandro Valverde, who nips him at the line for the win. Oh, did I mention that they put 9 seconds on Rasmussen in the last 2k? And a minute on Basso overall? And 2.20 on Floyd (tear), Ullrich (that bitch), Kloden, and Botero? If you've got time, take a look through the write-up. Especially in the last 30k or so. As JT so succinctly put it, T-Mobile sucks. Armstrong is back in yellow and 38s up on Rasmussen.
17:03 CEST Armstrong drops to the back of the group and has a stretch as the gradient eases up, then back up to the front to put in a teasing attack. Mancebo and Basso are distanced briefly but come back. Lance wants them all to work.
17:05 CEST Ullrich and Klöden are trying to limit their losses together now. Armstrong kicks again and this time loses Basso; Mancebo is dislodged but crawls his way back up by ther tips of his fingernails. Rasmussen and Valverde still looking relatively comfortable.
17:09 CEST Mancebo is clearly suffering, having trouble holding the line on Valverde's wheel. Rasmussen is on Armstrong's wheel, then the American drops to the back to have a quick gloat at the others. Well, probably to take a bit of a rest, mostly, but there's no harm in showing that you have the strength to move up and down the group at will. [/cut]
Lil' John a bit dorky in high school. So that's what the page is about. Not terribly interesting. The interesting part is the defcon-5 flame war that errupts in the comments. It's freakin' priceless.
Gangsta Gadgets. Includes excellent pictures. Redman Eye and R. Kelly Golden Showerhead are classic. Must not steal my stuff.
Most digital cameras offer red-eye removal. But how many feature Redman insertion? None, until now. New 2005 models are taking it to the streets and bringing a little of the hip-hop to an otherwise busted night out. Imagine cocktail hour with the Phi Alpha Psi hos, featuring a guest appearance by the Funk Doc. The Beta Delta Phis will be, like, soooo jealous.
Jeanine sent this my way: For anyone considering criminal activity, here's some tips from your friendly local public defender. Perhaps the judicial system isn't broken...people are just morons.
If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket – dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home.
And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You’re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crack head clients look positively radiant by comparison.
11 Worst songs of the year by Maddox. I posted this previously, but JT sent it in and I laughed again. He added it has the best animated .gif ever. I concur.
From Jacqques: Hey fellas... I saw this clip on the Nature channel, and had to google it... During mating season, male Manakins perform a "Moonwalk" ritual to attract their mates... and by mates I think that means females, and not young male fledglings. Anyway... the clip is on CollegeHumor, but the Nature channel source legitmizes the documentary.
Gay Test This one's from Brick, who adds Don't know if you've seen and/or posted this before... Either way, it's perfect for this site. I feel as though Mi-olé had a hand in this.
How to dance like a white guy. WMV Video. Naj sent this in, adding i can think of a few guys from the house who had a copy of this while we were in school and didn't share with the rest of us. Marooking in your direction, I''m looking in your direction.
Two idiots hurt in 'light saber' battle. Derek sent this in. Being the total dork that I am, I've heard conflicting reports. Best guess is they were lighting fires in glass tubes and it got out of hand.
Paris Hilton revealing a little too much. Saying this is camel toe is like saying Tara Reid was showing her cleavage. NOT SAFE FOR WORK. This was posted on Another Dumb Blog, which did that Corpse humping thing below. Reminder: Not Safe For Work.
Penny Arcade on Pirate-like people. I strongly urge you to read this site regularly. Even if you're not into gaming, you have to at least chuckle at the stuff.
I mentioned in my last post that J Allard looks like a pirate, which is incontrovertible. You only need to look at a picture of the man to see that he spends a lot of time swinging on rigging and generally being dashing. What you might not know is that Ed Fries, who used to run the games unit over at MS, also had a very sort of "have at thee," kinda "gesturing at the plank with a cutlass" thing going on as well. You can't really see it in this picture, but we met him a few years ago at some Microsoft thing. His blond hair softly feathered to each side and a Victorian shirt of flowing silk stated in a way beyond debate that this was a man whose mind was constantly dominated by thoughts of his doubloons - and vice versa. I'm not trying to place a stigma on those who engage in piratical acts - in fact, just the opposite. Piracy is wicked awesome. There's just something mysterious about the management structure over there where once you get past a certain point you have to start hoisting the Jolly fucking Roger.
An NFL endorsement for the Whizzinator. The Whizzinator site is probably NSFW. But it is pretty hillarious. Be sure to check out the links section and the comments/feedback section. Boot sent most of this.
Why Larry David supports John Bolton. If you've seen and like Curb Your Enthusiasm, you will probably spit up whatever you're drinking when you read this. If not, carry on. Thanks to Seth for showing me the light. The rest of the site is a mix of self-important wankers blogging about b.s. and some interesting commentary on things in general. Sort of like the web.
funny stop motion video More from Ronny Mexico, who adds i dunno, the video's a little long, but something about it just made me laugh... a lot. The concept is kind of cool, but some of the stuff they did is just kinda ghey. Worth a look.
Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers — and a bun.
From Wes Mantooth, who reports In a completely unrelated story Ryan Jackson has been spotted in the area of Denny's Beer Barrel Pub.
Refresh Away. From JT, who adds This could be the funniest site that I have ever seen. I may have to agree. My stomach hurts.
Vin Diesel never needs to wind his watch. Instead, once every second he shifts reality into an alternate universe in which he is wearing a watch that has the correct time.
After going back in time to single-handedly lead the Greek army to victory at the Battle of Thermopylae, Vin Diesel corraled all the remaining Persian soldiers into a straight line and impaled them all through the gut with his enormous penis. He then used their corpses to kick around the disembodied heads littering the battlefield, thus inventing the sport of foosball.
An unknown man, described as being of thin build with a beige jacket and short black hair, walked into Whitfield Hall, a Carnegie Mellon personnel building on Craig Street, and took a large amount of food meant for employees. No one at the time stopped or questioned the man, but simply allowed him to take the food (reportedly doughnuts) and walk out.
Kerry uses The Onion as a Reference From Fark via JT, who adds Who are the fact checkers getting paid to do this work? In other news, W uses the CIA. At least the Onion is funny.
A Tribute to America... Fuck Yeah....Wed Apr 6 2005
I have no idea how this guy can take himself seriously. From miolla. It starts out and looks like it could be a joke. But it is not. Two words for you. A. Mazing. I almost marked this NSFW just because I'm laughing so hard. Easily one of the funniest things I've posted.
Tigger humping Elmo. Ahh, smart toys. Link includes a pic and a link to a video. This has been around for a while, I guess, but it's the first I've seen of it.
Best toys of 2000 This one's from s, who adds The rest of this site is also hilarious. Be sure to check out the bush one on here though.
Elian!: Cuban Crisis playset and related figures. This set features the infamous pre-dawn raid and all the main players...Marisleysis, Castro, Reno, and of course Elian, Donato and the SWAT Team.
Daniel previously distinguished himself at Bonita Vista High by having an apprentice – a student who followed him everywhere, addressed him as "The Daniel," performed menial tasks for him and dressed like him. That meant wearing a derby hat and carrying a pocket watch.
Daniel had 10 applicants for a second apprentice. They submitted résumés providing references, listing favorite television shows and answering questions such as, "If Daniel were to decide to miss school to watch 'Montel,' would the apprentice write down a short synopsis of what Daniel missed that day at school?"
eBay Pulse The most popular searches and most watched items in a particular category. Makes it easy to find guys offering their names or food items shaped like religious artifacts.
A random list of stuff for Valentine's day. It's amazing what you can put on your Amazon wish list. You may not want to click through it you're at work, but it's nothing too outrageous.
Striped Shirt Guy This one's from 'Dot'. Ican'timaginewhatthey're talking about. Actually, in all honesty, getting these pics was a stretch, but we're definitely the striped shirt posse. Of course, this is opposed to the dirty hippy posse, the self-referentially-ironic emo posse, the geek posse, and well, every other posse of people out there that just want to be different... like everyone else.
Maddox bitch slaps Orbitz In light of all the travel planning going on at the moment, here's the Maddox angle. Somebody sent this in, and I'm guessing it was Jim, but I've been wrong before.
There's a thread about bad tatoos over in some LiveJournal, and I had to share this one and this NOT SAFE FOR WORK one. The first one - totally work safe. The second, not safe for work and probably not safe for the squeamish or any women's libbers out there (if you're still there). No one has mentioned the gayest tatoo ever, but there's still time.
The Top 5 Chappelle shows. The results of the reader voting. Brian E sent this and added I thought for a moment that I’d try to be patient and wait for the countdown to be complete before sending you the following link. This, however, is too funny. Indeed.
Jewish Fashion Conspiracy. Maybe I should convert for the jokes AND the shirts. Some clever t-shirts celebrating the Jewish faith and lifestyle. I stole this from Boing Boing, who also linked to Heeb magazine.
"A witness who spoke with the driver said the man was driving to work and eating breakfast -- a White Castle hamburger -- when he began choking on his food."
Thanks to Nino for this one, who posits: Do any of you realize how wasted you have to be to eat White Castle at 2 AM, let alone for breakfast?
So, they put this picture up for the whole 'Ten Commandments in government buildings' thing. Apparently the guy in front is thankful he's about to be smote by the angry bald guy. I don't know why I find these pics so funny.
Ryan sent this in, along with this explanation... I just wanted to send along a little picture that Karen took this weekend. I hope you can see it well enough to see what it is. It was nighttime. Anyway, Karen noticed this in the car in front of us and remember she'd had the camera so all credit goes to her. That shows that my love affair with the CT is rubbing off on her
Craig's List - War on your penis. Why do I feel I'm no more than 3 degrees away from the ivy league b-school guy that's been to Thailand?
But I'm a man so know what you're doing and believe me I'm not afraid to let her in on your devious little plan. This cuddling thing is all a part of your big campaign to pressure her into a 3some, after which, if you get it, you will dump her on her ass for me to save.
For Me to Poop On.com In the long tradition of hacking up other pages, this one is pretty sweet. It doesn't like the bhendrix.com style sheet for some reason, but you get the idea.
I'd like to congratulate the guy on the right for looking positively piss drunk AND staring at Blanchett's ass. Not that I would be doing anything different, but man, sucks to be him. Update Okay - so apparently it's pretty sweet to be that guy, as it's her husband, Andrew Upton. Carry on man. Carry on. Thanks to anonymous for the correction.
Cumming - the Fragrance. Alan Cumming, probably best known as Nightcrawler, has made a cologne. Apparently the mouthwash and hair gel are pretty excellent as well. This was on the Daily Show.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the drunk's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said,
"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
"Watch out, boys! Because thanks to Iron Hymen, my baby cave is better guarded than a maximum security prison – even one ringed with electrified razorwire and a crocodile-infested moat!"
The WhizzinatorWhizzy in 08' Fake device so you can pass urine tests. Thanks to s for this one. I was wondering where you could get the thing that Tom Sizemore used.
Distinguishing Characteristics: You’ll know furries and plushies because they’ll either be wearing a crotchless panda suit or just a screaming teddy bear firmly against their crotch, respectively.
If you and your team of paladins are thinking about leaving your mom’s basement to move your fantasy quests into society, you might as well leave your genitals behind.
Simpsons on Sunday Features Tom Brady, Yao Ming, Michelle Kwan, LeBron James and Warren Sapp. I had read elsewhere that it was Denise Kwan, Michelle's sister or something random, but anyway. Thanks to naj and 'the man' for sending this one in.
22. You like Paris Hilton. 29. You are a blonde girl from Connecticut. 38. You've heard people refer to you with the word 'sketchy' as a prefix to your name.
Euphamisms for rectal functions. From JT. Anybody know what it means to do the Aztec Two-Step? I do know this is the first time the word 'rectal' has appeared on the site.
New Bhendrix.com feature: Meet the pledgesMon Jan 31 2005
From will: This isn't a link, as much as it is an introduction to Sean Weinstock, a new spring pledge. He listed me as a friend on www.thefacebook.com (a friendster-type site). I have never met him, but he is a member of the following prestigious clubs/groups:
- Wearing your collar down is for poor people - Yeah I went to private school... jeeves bring around the car - Facebook royalty - CMU's 20 sexiest guys
PVP Web Comic This one's from JT via a Penny Arcade! recommendation. He adds The first comic I saw is worth a chuckle. Jeremy H mentioned this way back in April, but it deserves a look.
The Napolean Dynamite Sound Board It's difficult to convey how awesome this is. Words are failing me. Thanks to derek for this one. If you haven't seen the movie, it is HIGHLY recommended. The parent site is probably Not Safe for Work, so if you go exploring, you've been warned.
The West Side Nut Club Fall festival guestbook Sample Quotes: "I LIKED THE FOOT LONG HOTDOG BUT THEY WERE NOT THERE THIS YEAR" & "i wood like to come to see the fall festivall but i cant right.i all was liked it we use to lve in evansville we live in paducah ky now." This bit of surreal comedy is from will.
Bush stops calling Ben Nelson 'Nellie' No word on if Nelson went into persecuted Ben mode. Our president has a habit of giving his colleagues nicknames... including Vladamir Putin. Thanks to JT for this whole thing.
Bill Gates Teen Beat-style poses. This one's from Mexico (?), who adds Man how different would this world be had this career of his taken off instead. These have been all over the web today, and I'll do you the favor of warning you that they're pretty damn creepy, and you won't be able to get the image out of your head.
Apparently Mini Me is on this season of the Surreal Life... and he gets drunk, gets in a naked scooter accident, and pees in the corner of a room. Pure gold. Thanks to JT for this one. Here's a little more info.
Link One.Link Two. Jeanine sent these in with the assurance that they're really funny, but Not Work Safe. As I'm at work at the moment, I have not looked at them. You're on your own. Thanks Jeanine.
American Family Association pissed off about Kid Rock performance at inauguration. Keep in mind these are NOT the people that give out $10 million. That said, this is tremendous. Do they realize that he's done multiple USO tours to entertain the troops and that the troops seem to really like him? The e-mail you can send in protest says If Kid Rock does appear, it will seriously erode the trust that Values Voters have in your party. Where are all these Values Voters going to go next time around? The democratic party? A third party? Yea, right. Thanks to mayes for this one.
Six years ago my friend and I started publishing our comic strips on the internet. Now Penny Arcade is translated into five different languages and read by 3.5 million fans in countries all over the world. When we have a convention to play video games and talk about Penny Arcade, over 3000 people show up. When we ask our fans to donate to charity they give $310,000 to the Children's Hospital. Newspapers like the New York Times write long articles about how fucking awesome we are. Huge companies pay us to create web comics based on popular license like Tom Clancy and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. All of this came from publishing our silly little comics on the internet.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, fuck you and fuck your stupid newspapers. We don’t need you.
10. Oklahoma judge Donald Thompson was accused of using a male enhancement pump beneath his robe while sitting at the bench during numerous legal proceedings, including a murder trial. After the 57-year-old judge was caught in the act by a clerk and trial witnesses, the state's attorney general sought his dismissal from the bench.
19. After pleading guilty to aggravated assault on St. Patrick’s Day, Ray Mason called out to the judge at a Texas courthouse: “Hey, judge, look at this.” Mason then dropped his pants and mooned the judge, who promptly tacked on another six months to Mason’s eight-year sentence.
86 rules of being in a bar. This is from Modern Drunkard magazine, source of that famous Jack Daniels quote.
36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried. 44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. 70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers. 75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
Terror alerts as comedy. Ms. Minardo sent the one on the left in, and through a bit of the clicky-clicky, I found the other one, which might go over a bit better with this crew. Thanks Katie.
The new thump in tortoise shell. This is the one with the MP3 player built in. In case you were wondering, the lenses flip down. You have my permission to laugh at anyone wearing these. Thanks to Jaiman for this one.
Another Stereolabrat posting. This girl's postings are so random and so vulgar I can't stop laughing. Tremendous. If you've got time to kill, read the back stuff. I posted one of these a while ago, but there ya' go. Probably not safe for work, just due to language.
Recently, students at Hamilton College in New York turned the pastime into a sport by forming a varsity streaking team and traveling to rival schools to cavort in the buff.
The Hamilton team streaked a dozen colleges in the Northeast earlier this fall and posted results on its Web site.
Despite being banned from Wellesley College, an all-women's school near Boston, and escorted off the grounds of Connecticut College, team members declared the tour a "massive success."
This, of course, lead me to their web site. The front page is safe for work.
STEWART: That is honestly the saddest part about this whole thing. This is like doing the walk of shame. It's as though I actually stayed at CNN overnight. I got drunk and slept over and now I'm doing the walk of shame from "CROSSFIRE" to your show. What happened was -- and, again, this is something I haven't shared with anybody. I should explain myself. I'm on steroids, and one of the side effects is called roid rage. The side effects have been awful. I have terrible back acne, shriveled genitalia. What I didn't realize is when you take steroids, you're supposed to work out. I've just been taking them. So it's causing that kind of anger. I remember going on the "CROSSFIRE" set and saying hello to the host, and then waking up naked with my ass cheeks taped together on Connecticut Avenue. So I don't really know what happened.
Dean, sperl, Tony, Pro, and Danny were all down in Miami for the game this past weekend, where it rained, and they didn't have a good time.
From Dean: According to Tony, as he returned to our seats, he heard the entire section in a frenzy and figured Miami has scored. To his disappointment, it was just the crowd cheering for Danny and the bottle Sam had balanced on his head.
Holiday parties are also the place to find your true love, or at least a lusty fling. Of those surveyed, 47 percent found love or lust at a holiday party.
Pork 4 Kids.com This site is tremendous. Sponsored by the pig providers. The main links don't seem to work, so click on the top ones and you can do stuff like color in the chef hat and make a virtual sandwich. Sure Lisa, some magical animal...
Harvard Sucks.org The Yallies went crazy and got them to hold up a huge sign that said they suck. Entertaining, but not exactly MIT burning the grass on the field.
The Daily show has clips. They have lots of good clips of recent stuff. I am shamelessly posting this because I want to mention how awesome it was when Tom Brokaw was on last night calling the Crossfire goons pussies. He didn't use the word pussy, but man, that's what he meant. Tremendous.
The move to change I-69 to I-63 is before Congress. Satire piece. I'd like to announce right now that if this ever did somehow come into law, all the signs they take down should be auctioned on eBay to pay down the debt. Thanks to CB from her sister.
Some real-life textbooks. A bunch of these are really clever, and sad. Thanks to Jaiman for this one. Mayes, please note the one at the top of this page.
Rant about performance evaluation. The language is, uh, coarse, so if you're worried about that, don't click through. Also, you may laugh out loud (a lot), so you've been warned.
Tara Reid's booby blunder critique. Funny little flash critique with some background and a video of the incident. This is a follow up to this little story about tara's exposure. All of this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
Some Dane Cook for your morning commute. Thanks to derek for this one. And is it me, or are the taglines just horrible lately? I need to put in a change request for my sense of humor.
Instead of that sneaky HIV, there could be a ghastly alternative called Teethy Pussy Disease (TPD), where, while you're in the middle of a one-night stand, her vagina devours the penis like a delicious hot dog.
An 80's sweater bonanza This guy whipped out his old sweaters, and boy do they suck. I guess it's bad that I was like, had that one, knew a guy with that one, etc. Yoi. Stolen from many, many places.
F The South dot com. So there aren't any pictures, but it's probably not safe for work. It is pretty funny, though. Thanks to Marouth not from the South for this one.
Just check it out. Bricker sent this in and pointed out that he's at a complete loss for words. Except for this post, I am too. Also check out the rest of the site.
Steelers fans in a nutshell. JT sent this along with this: Providing cleveland with ammunition... check out the pic in this article, then call his mom and tell her to teach him about "contractions" Couldn't say it better myself.
A possible backlash against Stewart? There's a backlash against everything that gets popular. USA Today is there to tell us that. The list of guests on the sidebar is great.
Make funny faces with your friends. Jaiman sent this one in. See what you can do with some other pics if you want. Post any samples in the comments. Thanks Jaiman.
Bush flipping off the camera. This is real. Must... show... liberal... rage... at everything. I actually think it's kind of funny. People should learn how to take a joke. Thanks to Bricker for this one.
Brits want Homer Simpson for President. It was a survery of TV characters only, and Jed Bartlett came in 2nd. So that's something. Thanks to DP for this one as well.
Drunk bees act like drunk humans. So what, they hook up with each other, piss all over the place, and puke in their hive? I'm typically against human experimentation, but couldn't they just slap some collars on us and call it an experiment some weekend? Thanks to DP for this one.
Wal Mart passes on 'America the book'. They're not happy with the nine naked Supreme Court Justices, which includes Scalia who, as Stewart pointed out, "is swingin' some pipe", and Bader-Ginsberg, who Rosy Perez pointed out "has her titties like, down he-uh (motions to waste)". So head over to Amazon or Powell's and get the book.
It didn't have to go down this way. I'd have let you just leave and never come back, but that wasn't good enough for you, and now you've paid the price.
I've been invited to the wedding of a mate of mine who I used to know really well until he started going out with the girl he's going to marry. She's a dog. No really. I haven't seen them since I told her she's a dog over two years ago. They've stupidly invited me to their wedding, but I don't want to go.
Dude fakes voter registrations for crack. I am not making this up. I cannot make this up. NAACP voter fund paid woman cash for registry. Woman gave dude crack for signing up 100 fake people.
Crossfire 'fires back'. See Robert Novak, traitor to our country, try to cut down stewart by calling him uninformed. Read, as James Carville, that's right, the ragin' cajun, pompous ass of all pompous asses, call someone a pompous ass. I didn't realize it was such a big deal when you call someone a dick who actually is one. Stewart was funny last night, as always.
Ads that never quite made it. A great collection of ads that, for one reason or another, never made it to the public. The dog food series is tremendous. Stolen from Boing Boing.
Homestar Pumpkin stencils. Cut up a vegetable and light it from inside. They include all the major characters as well as some pretty minor ones as well. (Marshie)
Ashcroft on the public domain. Some other good links on how he's pissed all of the Constitution. I keep trying to decide if Ashcroft, Cheney, or Rove is the Kaiser Soze to Bush's Verbal Kint.
"It seems sudden, but it's not," he said. "I've been mulling this over ever since the last State Of The Union address, to be honest. I decided to go through with it last night, when I stopped by the president's office to discuss a speech I'd dropped off earlier that day and caught him sitting on the couch, watching Fox News and eating Fritos. He hadn't even picked the damn thing up. I exploded. I said, 'That's it. Next year, I'm running this country myself.'"
Scrotum Safety Commission. It's actually kind of safe for work, and oh so funny. Thanks to derek for this one.
Bicycles are still legal in many states. Those of you that still insist on riding them should purchase a groin-helmet. These devices come in many colors and wind resistant shapes. Shop around to find the perfect groin-helmet for your needs. Plan a fun get-together with friends to decorate your groin-helmet with decals and "realistic battle damage".
Poland to cut troops and be out by end of '05 They're going from 2500 to 1500 to 0. Maybe Kerry knew something we didn't... Bush made a big deal of Poland's support during the debate after Kerry said the coalition was the US, UK and Australia. Stewart of course had a heyday. Thanks to sperl for this one.
The Womens' Hookup Bag by Burton There's no text on the web site, but in the catalog it says "Your walk of shame quick fix kit". Buy one for someone you know today.
Ali G vs. Kazakhstan. While the rest of us marvel at how people don't catch on to the stuff Borat's saying, there are groups taking it seriously. Seriously. Thanks to Jeanine for this one.
Jon Stewart on the O'Reilly Factor. It's really hard to tell if O'Reilly is joking sometimes. But Stewart handles himself really well. Stolen link from Daily Kos.
The Tepper School is the #2 MBA program according to the Wall Street Journal. I have no idea what the rest of the list looks like or even have a link, but thanks to jm for the scoop. Update Ms. Martin has informed me that U of Michigan is #1.
Arabic-style writing causes flight grounding. If I was on that flight, I would have beat the shit out of the person(s) that thought 'Arabic-style writing' meant the plane was gonna blow up.
America [the book] by the Daily Show crew. It's a giant parody of a textbook. I was laughing so hard I thought the neighbors were gonna call. The sidebar on 'Why Warren G Harding was the worst president ever' by Ed Helms is worth $1 by itself.
The Horse Head Pillow. I got this from Engadget, which is where I got the boyfriend arm pillow. Dear god is it funny. The first picture is truly priceless.
Now I know how all them white women felt.Wed Sep 15 2004
How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men. Hopefully it includes the tips 1) Be an asshole. 2) Become tall. Thanks to Nino for this one, who is questioning how real it is. For extra fun, take a look at the 'Also viewed' section.
When real estate photos go bad. Take a close look at the third pic. Thanks to JT for this one. Update Ryan found a mirror so everyone can bask in the wonderfulness. It was set up to look more like an actual real estate site, but there ya' go. Update II Worst. Webmaster. Ever. Ryan, can you send me the link again, or post it?
Maddox got blocked. Thanks to Jim for this one, who points out his favorite quote: Oh no, Lexmark has banned me? Good riddance. Every Lexmark printer I've ever used has been a piece of shit. One time I was trying to print a picture of me so I could give it to a friend to cheer him up after he was diagnosed with cancer, but the printer jammed, and my friend died. Thanks for nothing, assholes.
Don't eat KFC - Pam Anderson says so. Right. In case anyone didn't realize, we're talking about chickens. They're delicious, especially when dipped in boiling oil. I don't care how you kill it, just get it on my plate.
Cheney says ‘wrong choice’ would risk attack. And attacking other countries for no clear reason doesn't? Or telling everyone to 'Bring it on'? Or telling everybody 'You're either for us or against us'? As an added bonus, article includes an Angry Dick Pic.
Daily Show takes apart Cheney and Zell. Video clip of last Thursday's coverage of Wednesday at the RNC. Includes footage of Miller lamenting the fact that he can't challenge The Hardball guy to a duel- Aaron Burr style.
College kids drink more than anyone thought. I guess we shouldn't tell them about Golf, the 250, and Champagne ceremony... The one thing that's odd is that it's self-reported, so I would think that it's actually a little high. Oh yea, I usually have like, uh, eight... teen beers over the course of seven ... minutes.
Reuters report of CBO projection of $2.29 trillion budget deficit 2005-2014. The CBO calculated the deficits year by year and then added them up to get the 2.29 trillion. This is not the one year deficit for 2014. The 2.29 trillion is the total debt to be incurred by the US from now until 2014. I was really confused by the report (which may be a result of the CBO's press release). Here's the CBO report they reference. Of note is the deficit by % of GDP, which is showing that this year and next are going to be rough, with things getting a little better each year. This assumes current policies, though, of which one is the expiration of the tax cuts currently in place. UpdateAP covers the report. Some additional info from the AP, albeit with a more political slant.
Zell = Creepy Star Wars guy I can't think of. Also, Cheney not looking so hot. In case anyone was wondering, Cheney is 64, Kerry is 62, Edwards is 51, and W is 58. For some reason I always thought Cheney was well past 70. He started early. Youngest Chief of Staff ever at 35. huh.
Pit Bull bites off owner's genitals. Don't know if they're talking about Big Jim, the twins, or all three of 'em. Anyway, own a pit bull, take your chances. Thanks to Arjen for this one.
I am Jack's motivational presentation.Wed Sep 1 2004
Porn 'slips' into Hempfield motivational presentation. Could be a new weight loss technique - The teacher who produced the presentation was so upset by the mistake that she couldn't eat for a day, Doyle said. Ryan adds "I know Bean played a part in this." No mention of a paper bag with a 5th of whiskey in it, but you never know. Thanks to Ryan for the link.
Woman arrested for using $200 bill with W's pic on it. Greensburg PA represent. As Nino points out - Greensburg, Pa should be proud. The person that tried to pass this should be disenfranchised. The person who accpeted it should be shot. . . . Thanks to him for the link.
"Slightly Schizophrenic" woman has large tissue mass on ring finger. Guess. Yo, is this freaky. Not gross, just weird. Also, it was on her right finger, so is there a different custom in Australia? Or was she divorced maybe? Anyway, as Ryan put it "i'm not sure if this is real or not. either way it makes me want to hurl". Thanks to him for the link. (It seems to be a legit site.)
In his autobiography To Be the Man, Flair claims that the WCW's writing staff once cooked up a hunchback character whose physical deformity was so pronounced he couldn't be pinned, thereby guaranteeing a run at the championship.
Rick Flair wrote a book? Huh? And why wasn't this plan implemented? If only the hunch back could have had a midget manager...
Kerry on the Daily Show. So he did okay. It's kind of like watching my Dad if he were on there, and I like my Dad, so there you go. Now, two things. One - Can we PLEASE get W on there? Please? I'm begging here. And B - Can Stewart moderate any and all debates that occur this season. Possibly with Will Ferrell helping?
Tommy Lee going to college - reality show ensues. Oh man, this is gonna rule. If anyone caught the VH-1 special they were talking about, it was actually pretty interesting. It was filmed when he put out his album and was fighting with Pam for custody/visitation.
Article about Penny Arcade. It's too bad they didn't mention the toy drive they did last year, but it's a good article nonetheless. Thanks to JT for this one.
CNN/Money now analyzing traffic deaths. Feel free to pile this one on the heap of worthless 'reports' put out by a reputable organization that will be used to put into place even worse traffic laws. The took population and divided by deaths for the 'death rate'. They didn't divide, say, number of miles driven by deaths, or even car registrations by deaths. Anyway, yea, this kind of crap annoys me.
Bear drinks 36 beers. Passes out. Hopefully they wrote on him. Thanks to Arjen, Joiner, Naj, Eisemann, Shek, Philippe, and Mayes for this one.
Mayes wins with cleverist (or cleverest or the most clever, if you're going to be a nazi about it) entry - After months of thorough searching, we have finally found kirk. "They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation"
Philippe is a close second - If you don't come to our party... we will shoot this bear, wait no this bear rocks.
Top Party Schools Named. Sadly, CMU did not make the list. Thanks to naj for this one. The extended list up to 20 is through the link thing. 1 SUNY at Albany 2 Washington and Lee University 3 University of Wisconsin-Madison 4 West Virginia University 5 Ohio University-Athens 6 Florida State University 7 The University of Texas at Austin 8 University of Georgia 9 University of Colorado, Boulder 10 University of Mississippi 11 University of Florida 12 University of California-Santa Barbara 13 University of Massachusetts-Amherst 14 University of Oregon 15 Indiana University - Bloomington 16 University of Vermont 17 University of Tennessee - Knoxville 18 Seton Hall University 19 Louisiana State University 20 Penn State University Park
I rebuilt the user comment page. I quit doing it automatically because it takes for-ever, but anyway, the stats are updated. Too bad S had those other posts under another address. jm's haiatus seems to have hurt him.
Jib Jab - home of 'This Land' If you haven't seen it already, be sure to check it out. There's lots of other funny stuff here as well. Thanks to naj for this one.
Kilborn is outta there. Andy says: i know it says money issues, but i'm going to go with "conan o'brien smashing everyone in his way" Thanks to him for the link.
Cuddling Parties sweeping the nation. Well, not really, but there you go. This seems like it might be an okay idea in an ideal world, but in this world, I can only imagine the people this would attract. Thanks to Shek for this one. Update Link Fixed.
You Have Bad Taste in Music.com Self-riteous assclown goes around telling people the music they like sucks. Gotta give him credit for having balls, though. A few good quips, too.
When I find myself laughing out loud in my apartment at something, I often think it's just because my sense of humor is off. In this case, Penny Arcade's latest is the cause. The cure is more cowbell... and JT sending it to me saying how funny it is. Language is a bit rough, so maybe not safe for work.
Analysis of this qoute from W - "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Thanks to Blum for this one.
K-Billy's Super Sounds of the SeventiesMon Aug 2 2004
Steven Wright jokes. Some serious classics in here. There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Gillette razors given to Dem. Convention attendees. Taken by security. Never can be too careful with those things. If you were to take 5 or 6 apart, weld them together (TiG or MiG, not sure which), you could probably hurt someone. Thanks to Jef for this one, who assures me the phrase 'T Bag Search' was on the front of Boston.com yesterday.
Soccer Mom overreacted to 'terrorists'. This is a follow up from the story about the woman who saw lots of Middle Eastern men on her flight doing things like opening and closing overhead bins and going to the bathroom.
If you're a code jockey, you'll probably find this pretty funny. All the swears that were in the Netscape source code versions 3 & 4. I don't know anyone who'd actually do this. I mean, geez.
iPod bartender - Podtender Store a ton of drink recipes on your iPod. I figured the only one most iPod owners needed was 'Cold PBR', but I guess I was wrong.
Jenna Bush sticks her tongue out at the press. I don't know why I find this funny, but it just is. Glad I'm not on the campaign trail. USA Today would have an expose on middle fingers and my face. Know what, let's make this an impromptu Caption Madness. So caption away.
Dude gets finger stuck in gas tank. He was smart enough to know gas would get the gum off his shoe but not smart enough to know the filler tube is pretty freakin' long (compared to a finger, anyway)? Thanks to Eugenetics for this one.
Debunking the debunkers. Burch, avert your eyes. It's about F 9/11. Anyway, it's a follow up to the last thing I posted about the 'deciets' in the movie. I dunno. Coast Guard?
Sandy Bullock is dating Jesse James. Yes, that one. This is just wedding gossip, but anyway, it's just so weird I had to post it. Miss Congeniality star Sandra Bullock and her beau Jesse James have sparked speculation they're planning to wed, after they were spotted shopping for diamond rings. Eyewitnesses say the love birds were seen at the Neil Lane store in Los Angeles on June 26, lingering over "a very large cushion cut" diamond engagement ring. Both stars' representatives insist the two were at the diamond store shopping for "gifts". But pals tell America's Star magazine that as soon as James' divorce to porn star Janine Lindemulder is finalized the pair will wed. The marriage would mark the third trip down the aisle for TV tough guy James, while it would be the first for Bullock, who in the past has been romantically linked to Tate Donovan, Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling.
That's Just Not Right.com They track all the jailbait (some not so much anymore) that was on a Vanity Fair cover a while back. It really is just not right. But entertaining. Not safe for work.
Linktown, Nebraska - Population URLsThu Jul 15 2004
This is all DP's fault. It's going on his permanent record. hulk's diary
man jailed for shooting off testicles (Thanks to CB for this one as well) If a man loses his junk, bhendrix.com will be there to cover it. I'd like to thank him personally for taking himself out of the gene pool.
winnebago man... Not safe for work - foul language (and lots of it)
Also, on a side note, my wireless access point is now working. Thanks for all suggestions. Apparently the key step was plugging everything in and then holding the 'Reset' button for 30 seconds. At least I don't have to hold it in while powering off to save all my Ruppies. Thanks to Linksys for writing a help article entitled 'How to connect a wireless access point to Comcast high speed internet.' Gotta love the web.
Everyone here at bhendrix.com would like to throw a big congratulations over to (Red) Tom Scanlon for hanging around while his wife brought their daughter Kate Elizabeth into the world on July 9th. According to Bryan, Mom, Baby, and Dad are all doing fine. The pics are up over at bweather.com. Stogies all around.
California education chief calls preschooler 'stupid dirty girl' I think the best part is that the guy apologized, the mom is cool with it, and the little girl seems fine too. Just the NAACP and others are keeping it going. Oh well. Arjen says he let the pet name of the 6 year old from the night before slip accidently. I would point out that he's not a Catholic priest. Thanks to Arjen for the link.
Couple has sex at a concert... on stage. This is NOT safe for work. NOT. Pictures included. DP posted it in the Comments, but Megan sent it first. Thanks to both of them.
Home Depot babes in Playboy. According to naj, based on the caption to her picture, it's not hard to see why she's working at the 'pot. Thanks to him for the link.
Congratulations!!! Congratulations to Bharath and Anagha on their forthcoming nuptials and recent home acquisition. Cheers to Big Brown and his fiance. One can only hope the hat doesn't make it to the wedding. Joiner, I'm looking in your direction.
Dancing Saddam, Osama, and GWB available. A Turkish distributor lining up stores in Iraq to sell Chinese made dolls. Awesome. Some good news out of Iraq, which is nice.
Shaunie O'Neal was quoted while giving a tour of the family's 18-bedroom Los Angeles mansion, which she says the family has outgrown and which is now on the market for $7.5 million.
Selling the mansion, Shaunie O'Neal said, was the family's intention whether Shaq remained with the Lakers or not. The timing of Shaq's demand for a trade has increased the focus on the transaction.
Thanks to brother Bharath for the link and highlight. Perhaps the O'Neals should read this.
Teacher nailed her 14 yr old student. So that's probably not so good, especially for her new husband. It would suck to find out your wife was a ho. It would suck more that she was nailing a 14 year old. And now she's on bhendrix.com. so that's gotta suck. Pictures of her and police report Thanks to shek for this one.
Judge taking care of his MANdatory minimum. Joiner sent me this with the Subject 'don't know if you want to post this, but it's priceless' which is a sure way to get it posted. Thanks Steve.
The Burgh is the worst city for singles. Again. That's three in a row. Two more and we beat the Steeler's Super Bowl record. Apparently they visited CMU's campus on the one day of the year the sun comes out and the dorks are scared away. Saying it's prettier than any Boston campus is a bit of a stretch. I've visited Harvard. And you sir, are no Harvard. Thanks to Joel for the heads up.
Decorative cow loses head. Bunch of savages in this town. Harrisburg is doing the decorative cow thing as well. Not as cool as the Pittsburgh Dinosaur thing, and no one will ever top the Mr. Rogers T-Rex, but there you go. Simpsons jokes begin.... now.
Stories about all kinds of stuff. Some real Cliff Clavin trivia gems in here, and some cool stories about movies, trials, regligion and assorted history.
The background story is as follows: earlier this month, the website for the Bush-Cheney campaign - the real one, paid for by MBNA America and Richard Scaife - featured a "create your own banner" tool, where you could enter your own slogan and print out your own poster, with the Bush-Cheney logo, and a note at the bottom "paid for by Bush-Cheney '04, Inc." Democrats, of course, couldn't get enough of this. The original sloganator accepted everything, then it started censoring profanity and words like "Hitler," "dictator," and "evil." Nevertheless, many clever folks exploited the sloganator to their own ends before its sad demise only a couple of weeks after its birth, and its mourners assembled some of the best for the slide show. The link below is best enjoyed with the sound on: The Sloganator Memorial Thanks to Mark for all of this.
Penny Arcade Strip. I know I whore for these guys all the time, but I just feel like this is something that may have happened at PiKA or some other spot at some point.
Dogs can understand words. If only they had watched they episode where Santa's Little Helper goes to obedience school, they'd know that. "You son of a bitch!" Thanks to Jaiman for this one.
Since not everyone reads the site all the time, here's a coupld good ones people just sent me that I've posted before. 10 worst album covers ever. from Chad. New Jersey Guidos. This one's from JT, as it was last year when he sent it in. It's for Miolla.
Move to put Reagan on the $10, $20, or dime. Well, we covered this once before with this little number, but you know, with him dying this week, here we go again. At least he didn't fire all of the mint workers at one point during his tenure.
Renita Chaney, a junior and executive director of the campus Black Recruitment and Retention Center, said she would be reluctant to encourage black freshmen to attend this fall unless they want a challenge.
"If it's activism or some kind of fight they're looking for, then come here. But if education is what they're looking for, then don't come here," she said. So they've what, stopped teaching classes? Quit it with the whole homework thing? No more tests? Just protests? Gimme a break.
This one's all Ryan. Beaver school latest to ban jelly bracelets Two things. 1) If this is all true, then that's awesome 2) If it isn't true, I love SuperNintendo Chommers reference to a jelly doughnut Thanks to Ryan.
Chalabi told Iran we broke their codes. First, you sting him up in a square. Then you cut out his tongue. Then you let him rot. Good thing Bush's golden boy is such a straight shooter. Glad he dragged us into this war. I want his head on a stick.
Stupid Names for people. I think what people fail to realize is that kids have to use these names for their entire lives. Clever mis-spellings are for band names, not for kids. "No, it's Brian with two r's, three n's and a silent k at the end." Two best names ever, as reported to a case worker friend: Orangello and Lemongello. That's right, Mom named them after her two favorite Jell-o flavors. Birth control in the water.
Bush-Cheney bumper stickers Thanks to Jef for this one. 1. Bush/Cheney '04 - Four More Wars! 2. Bush/Cheney '04 - Apocalypse Now! 3. BU__ SH__! 4. Bush/Cheney '04 - Because the truth just isn't good enough. 5. Bush/Cheney '04 - Compassionate Colonialism. 6. Bush/Cheney '04 - Leave no billionaire behind. 7. Bush/Cheney '04 - Over a billion Whoppers served. 8. Bush/Cheney '04 - Putting the "con" in conservatism. 9. Bush/Cheney '04 - Thanks for not paying attention. 10. Bush/Cheney '04 - This time, elect us! 11. Bush/Cheney '04 - We're Gooder! 12. Bush/Cheney '04 - Asses of Evil 13. Don't think. Vote Bush! 14. George W. Bush - A brain wave away from the presidency 15. George W. Bush - It takes a village idiot. 16. Vote Bush in '04 - "I Has Incumbentory Advantitude" 17. Vote Bush in '04 - Because dictatorship is easier. 18. Vote Bush in '04 - It's a no-brainer! 19. Vote for Bush & You Get Dick! 20. Who would Jesus Bomb? 21. Bush/Cheney '04 - "Leave no child a dime!"
Seinfeld watch: Day II His house in the Hamptons is finished. Baseball field and 22 car garage included. Guess that explains where the other cars are. I wonder if he needs a car boy? Thanks to naj for this one.
Seinfeld's garage is done. He bought it five years ago for $880,000. It can only hold 5 cars, which is weird, since he owns way more than that. Anyway, I wonder if he needs someone to keep an eye on it?
Economic Development head leaving the Burgh. Okay. When these guys start jumping ship, it's a bad sign. However, a $60k increase in salary probably didn't hurt. Thanks to Shek for the link.
Captain Hook has been captured. Thanks to Arjen for the link and joke. On another note, the name Wendy was invented for Peter Pan. Mmmm... number 6 no mayo...
High School girl passes out, gets written on. Police involved. It seems like they hit some of the classics - penis on face, general coloring. I can only hope they did the dot on forehead, the eyes on eyelids, the exit/entrance sign on the back. Any others I missed? Oh, right, the checkerboard. 9 for effort. 5 for technique. Give those kids a bid! Thanks to Fark via JT for this one.
Dance Dance Revoluition Kingpin let the fame go to his head. Weird profile of the DDR sub-culture. It reminds me of an MTV True Life special. I'm guessing it's a little sensationalized, but hey, it makes me glad I'm not him, and isn't that the point of all good journalism?
Christian Exodus.org. They want to get 50,000 people together and take over a state. They're targetting Mississippi, Alabama, and South Carolina. I'll give 'em all three. With a bow on top. Church. State. Two different things.
Rollins' Bachelor party from Bricker I'm not so quick on the draw with these, but here we are. Dave had final edit and caption duties. Thanks to Brick for the pics.
Students in England break naked rollercoaster record (w/picture) Not safe for work, but an interesting study on what happens to personalities on a roller coaster. Also, most of them had shoes on, which is weird. Thanks to Bernard via Philippe for this one.
Poetry professor tells it like it is in a farewell to his students.Nonetheless, I am well aware that you are under the impression that you have been "nurtured" and "loved" by certain teachers who have been far more popular with you than I have been. But let me let you in on yet another little trade secret: You have been neither loved nor nurtured. You have, rather, been lied to and betrayed. Though the mother's milk that flows from such breasts may temporarily satisfy your ravenous appetites for praise (and its donors' hunger for tenure), it is not, I assure you, a very nourishing brew.
Too little brain. Too much leather.Thu May 20 2004
The Urban Utility Belt. In case you needed something to go with your urban sombrero, Caldeira has found the solution. Act now!
More than three years in development, with U.S. Patent pending, the UUB was created out of a universal need: We're all carrying around too much "stuff."
2nd Grade Teacher's blog. So yea, the latest entry is even making me go awwww. What have I become in my old age? It reminds me of when the high school yearbooks came out and under the 'likes' section people had stuff like, my boyfriend, getting weiser (get it?), the date they lost their virginity (classy), etc. One girl had stuff like mac n' cheese, rainbows, twizzlers, etc. Good reality check for a bunch of vapid 17 year olds.
50-lb fish caught in the Burgh. Ryan points out the best line: 'cause we're not keeping this fellow. We ain't eating anything out of the Mon. We're putting him back. Thanks to him for the link.
US Virgins headed to UK to spread the word. Someone in the article likens it to 'Mission Impossible'. Hopefully it'll be a little easier to follow than the movie. I'm just trying to picture the guy in the audience going 'Man, that comedian was funny, and that rap was so clever. I hope I never have sex!' Ah well. Better than spending your summer in a crack den, I guess.
Initial Friends analysis from the Smoking Gun. It was 'weak', apparently. The pilot synopsis: Rachel leaves Barry at the altar and moves in with Monica. Monica goes on a date with Paul the wine guy, who turns out to be less than sincere. Ross is depressed about his failed marriage. Joey compares women to ice cream. Everyone watches Spanish soaps. Ross reveals his high school crush on Rachel. In case you want them, there's a site with all the scripts. Got the synopsis from there as well. Smoking Gun link is via Fark.
Maddox on catchphrases. If you think you might be that guy, you are that guy. Looks at self, does Bean's nervous look-around thing. Thanks to James R, our local Maddox liason, for this one.
Stupid Videos.com Just what it says. Some are funny, some are weird, some are amazing. Must Watches: 'Foosball Pro', 'Good Goalie', and for some reason 'Fast Cups' is really cool.
Why proofreading is important. He means for papers, not for vanity web sites. Although, it probably wouldn't kill me. Worth a read, and it's not another version of that thing that keeps getting forwarded around.
New Poll: Worst Movie starring one of the Friends cast members. There were so many to choose from. Thanks to Jim for the idea and the nominees. I switched Scwimmer's in an editorial move.
eBay idiot gets punk'D. You can point your eBay add to another person's image server so that you don't have to host them, which is against the rules, but you might not get caught. Sometimes, though, you may.
Internet Movie Poster Awards. Tons of movie posters for past, present, and future. Be sure to check out this one, whose tagline is "Minor League. Major Friendship." Man, the Friends have been responsible for some horrible movies. Thanks to JT for all of this.
U of C Scavenger hunt on Slashdot. This one's going out to the lovely ladies from the UofC. Reading the comments, I can only think that these guys ARE bigger dorks than the rest of us. Amazing.
Pittsburgh 8th worst city for dating. Hmmmm... could it be the complete lack of young people (77th), the overabundance of yinzers, or the crappiness of most bars and clubs? Lord knows that CMU is doing everything it can to produce well-mannered, socially well-adjusted young people who like to have fun and stay in the burgh. Thanks to James R. for this one. Here's the complete list.
Real Vintage Shirts. This thing is vintage, and if you messed it up, so help me, I would sock your nose. You'll pay. You'll pay big. Anyway, if you buy one of these, I get to call you an idiot, unless your name is Bean and you buy this one. Thanks to JT for the link. Speaking of people who already have one for the thumb, the 2004 Tour de France starts July 3rd. One for the other ring finger, I guess.
Writing intern sues Friends, gives excellent deposition. So it was a locker room and she wasn't a good writer. Some of the stuff is going way too far, but why didn't they just fire these clowns who were apparently racist sex fiends and assholes to boot?
Cornell Lightweights tell it like it is. In case you haven't picked up on it already, T Hendrix rows for Cornell. His friend Drew and he dropped this interview. So he got the athletic gene and the funny gene. Life just ain't fair sometimes. Thanks to, uh, Tom for the link.
Penny Arcade now linked below. I tend to think that everyone else is probably reading the same stuff as me, except that, you know, you're not. So to remedy that, I added these guys. It's slanted toward video games, but even if you're not into them that much, these guys are hillarious. And check out the archives.
Can anybody tell me which Homestar cartoon has the phrase 'Oohhhh, tight pants...' in it? If so, post a link in the comments. It may be a toon or a SB e-mail.
Bible-quoting wacko pokes out his eye. He couldn't have at least picked a cool passage, like the one about the pale horse... Thanks to Arjen for the link.
Jennifer Lopez to appear on Inside the Actor's Studio. Hollywood superstar Jennifer Lopez is poised to thrill film students when she shares her craft secrets with them on TV show Inside The Actor's Studio. The sexy Maid In Manhattan star - whose latest movies Gigli and Enough have been mauled by critics - will discuss her rise to fame with host James Lipton, marking the first time a Latina has appeared on the program. Previous speakers include Paul Newman, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Meryl Streep, Benicio Del Toro and Julianne Moore. Excited Lipton says, "Our students are thrilled. We've never had a Latina on the show before. It's appropriate." In case you were wondering which blockbusters she's anchored, here's the complete list. Having someone who couldn't act their way out of a paper bag is ridiculous. Having them because they are Latina is just plain stupid. No wonder Lipton made the 50 worst people in New York list.
Air America starts today. The O'Franken Factor is the major draw at the moment. Thanks to Shek (the artist formerly known as That Guy) for the link. The web site is over at http://www.airamericaradio.com. They have streaming broadcasts.
George Carlin 10 questions. He's always quotable, for sure. "They call it the American Dream. Why? Because you have to be asleep to believe in it." Thanks to JT for the link. Oh yea, go see Jersey Girl.
Dodgeball the movie. Ben Stiller recycles all of his other characters and jokes for another movie. On the plus side, Vince Vaughn, most of the cast of Starsky and Hutch, and Office Space make appearances. Thanks to Arjen for the link.
Boeing offers magical high speed net access on planes. Philippe's hoping this comes to the US, as am I. However, the price is ridiculous. People say they would pay all sorts of stupid prices for things, but when it comes down to it, they just don't put up. Business travellers are probably also willing to put up with this until they get their first rejected expense for charging it through. Also, is this wireless on the plane, or is it wired somehow? Anybody know?
PBS pledge drive drinking game. As a veteran of a bunch of these, I think you'd be drunk in a couple minutes. Although, you get the program in there to recover, so who knows?
Not the 100th Strong Bad E-mail. Strong Bad's been creeping up on 100, and dorks like myself were hoping it would be out this week. Alas, it was not. Let it sit for a second. Via Fark.
Ford's theater benefit. Bush displays his quick wit and Jessica Simpson one-ups him. Head about 1/2 way down just above 'Squibs'. Thanks to Gabe for this one.
Dave Barry weighs in on Skiing. In honor of our trip, where I manage to scare myself shitless at least once per day. Thanks to Jeanine for this one. In related snowboarding news, snowboarder loses feet. I'm amazed he was still alive. Whatever clothing company he was wearing needs to sign him up. Thanks to Arjen.
Maddox's take on real men. Jim sent me this a while ago, but I never posted it. I posted before about the captain that killed the shark, and Aron Ralston, the kid that hacked off his hand is a CMU engineering grad.
Why I Fucking Hate Weblogs!" By Some Guy. I fancy myself a cross between the Obsessive Delussional Ranter and the Tragically Geek. But is it worst to have a web log or to go so far as to write a lengthy treatise on why they suck? Ah well. To each their own. Except for Bush. I hate that guy.
Hillary disses Gandhi. Pays the price. Can we clear up when it's okay to make fun of various groups of people? Right now the breakdown is : Apu = hillarious, Gandhi = sacred cow, Dave Chappelle = tremendous. I vote for all fun all the time, but apparently I'm in the minority, and speaking as a Kraut-Mick, this is a waste of time. Thanks to That Guy for the link.
How to make a trucker hat from garbage. This falls under the $4.95 limit, so you would not be laughed at. If you own a trucker hat, please give it to a homeless person. Or at least stop wearing it and pissing me off.
We're all Paris Hilton. First, the lead story he mentions is a hoax. The $29 Wal-Mart DVD player lady is a fraud.
Second, I like watching 'Rich Girls' because like all other reality TV shows, it makes me feel better about myself. At the end of my worst days, I can always say "At least I'm not them." Also, I like laughing at people who wear trucker hats that cost more than $4.95. The other thing that people can't believe about the rich chicks is their complete disconnect from anything resembling the average person's reality. I do shop at Wal-Mart. I know how to pump gas. A big part of the fascination is that somehow these girls have grown up in a bubble.
Am I Paris Hilton? Compared to someone in Niger, Togo, or most any other country on Earth, yes. I don't know how to make bread, slaughter an animal, or provide any of my own food. As anyone moves up in socio-economic status, an individual can use money to eliminate the need to perform routine tasks, like meal preparation. That's a given. With enough money, you can have others take care of all of your needs and leave you to concentrate on that which you deem most important that only you can do correctly. Unfortunately, for the Rich Girls and Paris, that is limited to shopping, feigning concern about others, and nailing other famous people on tape. Me, I'd just go snowboarding. To each their own.
Strong Bad e-mail 91. Great form. Brothers Chaps do it again. I would have recommended RB&V, but hey, it's a family show. Thanks to JT for the heads up.
Jimmy Fallon and Ms. Hilton trade quips. Going out to Gabriel. Apparently, there is also footage of the exchange. They should have shot it in night-vision. And Hilton should have stopped in the middle to answer her phone, with Fallon berating her about it.
-hendred
Link from Rollins: 
-hendred
I am also painfully aware that none of these people are particularly handsome. -decker
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![](javascript:popImage("http://bhendrix.com/random/Mount.jpg","Brokeback Mountain 2"))
I guess CNN's a little busy for the whole 'proof-reading' thing.
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